WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
foreskin is a definite game changer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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