You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
