Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize