I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
