# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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