I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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