New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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