I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
