Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
