I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
