My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
