hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
