We won't sleep together?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
