The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
