I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
