New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
