I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
