My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
