its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
