We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
