How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
