I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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