i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
