Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
