my mouth tastes like poor choices
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize