Sry I called you an 8
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
