So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
