He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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