I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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