Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
