Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
