Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
