Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize