Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize