ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
