Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
