She said her name was "party"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
