I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
