I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
