he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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