The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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