somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you inspire me to be a worse person
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
