I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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