we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
