some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
