is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
