Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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