yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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