Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
