Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
