you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
