Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.

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(503): View more from Oregon

bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

Fav 20 4731 997
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(281): View more from Texas

After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

Fav 23 5409 987
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(979): View more from Texas

if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

Fav 14 691 1903
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(315): View more from New York

you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.

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(231): View more from Michigan

While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame

Fav 0 15 34
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(314): View more from Missouri

I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.

Fav 0 10 24
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