Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
