I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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