I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
