I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
