My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Randomize
