Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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