I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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