guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pants are for mortals
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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