Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
