so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
