please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
