Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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