But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
