Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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