toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
