Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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