I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
