I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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